I was on twitter just looking at tweets when something caught my ear as it were and gave me the idea for this post.
As a person who will never drive a car in the usual way, I have to use public transport. This is not negotiable. Taxis are expensive and while I will use them if I have to, the default is a bus or a train. The timetables for public transport will not care if something happens. The drivers, the conductors, the transport authority, they don’t care. They have a schedule and keep to it, especially in Germany which prides itself on punctuality.
This in turn means that if I need to catch said public transport, I stick to their schedule. There are no ifs, ands or buts about this. It means I can only leave at a certain time and return up to a certain time, no earlier, no later.
To be clear, I am not hating on people who, for various reasons, can’t make dates or appointments. If you have issues, be it physical or mental ones, that’s just how the world works. the thing is, I don’t have the privelege of being as spontaneous as a lot of people so if a person flakes in such a way that I am stuck because of transport issues, I am going to get mad.
I won’t be able to fix things as quickly and easily as someone who has a car. This is also not just a problem that I have.
If you need to cancel for any reason, make sure that you call in such a time frame that I can plan around it. Give me at least an hour’s warning if possible because sometimes, that’s how long it will take me to get to where you are.
It is, in most cases, not personal from your side. I know this logically. But sometimes, when I have to negotiate a route I don’t know because someone cancels on me, well, I get upset. I get angry. I will probably not plan that kind of date or meet-up and will plan around the possibility of flakiness by default. i will probably plan it so that it happens on my terms, in my safe place so that if the other person bails, it’s not going to be as difficult for me. Things tend to take more time when you have a disability so when someone else makes it so that time or those spoons are used up, yeah, getting mad is a thing.
So please, if you need to postpone things, just let me know in advance. I won’t get mad and I won’t put any of these measures in place if I have enough time and notice.