It has taken a while but I am finally getting to a point where the mess of a couple of weeks ago isn’t so painful. I hope that it isn’t one of those situations where if I relax, the next hammer falls on my head but as I have done all I can to fix what was possible, keep away from those who feel it necessary to put me in my place in their eyes, maybe I can start to feel safe again.
I won’t lie. That really was a blow to my self-confidence because it always hurts to find out that there are people who want to be hurtful. If I am hurtful, it is either because I don’t realise or because someone has hurt me or mine first and it would be dangerous to be nice to them but that second situation is so seldom. It takes me time to realise that someone is doing something to be hurtful and it shocks me every time, even though as an adult, it really shouldn’t.
There have been good things that have happened which have helped. There are new toys about which I really should do reviews, people I have spoken to about reviews I would like to do for their companies, getting to know new people and finding out that some I know have my back, lots and lots of virtual playtime, many things to be grateful for which have slowly put me on the road to becoming myself again.
I know this is a very rambly post but sometimes, it just feels good to put my thoughts down and hope that someone may get something out of what results.