This post contains references to non-consentual sexual conduct. If this is a problem, feel free to skip it.
When I was little, I was fed the usual propaganda about what fidelity was. Apparently, you prove your loyalty and love by only having sexual relations with me and no one else. Whatever else you do, however else you treat me, if you do that, it means you’re faithful and loyal to me.
Fast forward to getting married to someone who was very much able to fit this bill. He only did sex things with me and no one else. He would be seen by a huge number of people as being faithful and loyal.
What he didn’t do was to stick up for me with a family who did everything they possibly could to break everything. Everything from steal his money so that I got blamed at first to making sexual overtures towards me to trying to cover up said overtures. When I asked him if he would stay if those sexual overtures had caused a baby, he said he didn’t know. When those overtures happened, I was the one questioned, confronted, all of this, not the family. he even as recently as last year tried to tell me I should see it from his side because he was getting it from both me and his family. I told him that if there had been offspring from the overtures, I would have got it from all sides, not him. I was out of empathy and still am.
Apparently, none of that matters if you prove your love by only doing sex things with the one person. Apparently, that makes it alright.
When I wanted to explore my fantasies, I was told that wouldn’t happen with him, that he felt threatened. So I went to someone else after telling him I would. Apparently, that’s classed as cheating. I also told him after the event what had happened. His response was to push me away because it hurt him. This is when we agreed to take sex out of our marriage.
I have since come out as polyamorous, which should have happened before I got married,when I think about it now, as it is how I have always been. I am so much happier knowing I can love those I choose, that I don’t have to choose at all, that I can love 20 people if I want to and it doesn’t mean I love any one of them less.
Yes, I go to bed with different people, both physically and virtually. I also maintain that I am faithful to every last one of them. I would stick up for them all with my family, have done so when needed.
If I am in a relationship, the partners in question get a check-in every day, get to know with whom I have played both physically and online, are put as partners into my contacts with emergency bypass priveleges, will get my time before non-partners do except when it’s my family. My savings go to funds for visiting them if they are that far away. If they need me, they have me and they have my fidelity.
I have sexy playtime with more than one person all of the time and this does not make me disloyal and it does not make me show a lack of fidelity. The sooner the world understands this, the better things will be.