I often stress ethics when talking about everything from non-monogamy to relationships in general. I live my life as an ethical non-monogamist. I try to keep my word as much as humanly possible but there’s the rub. The word is human. I’ve been dealing with a few things like that lately and I also feel I have made myself look a bit too perfect on here so here goes.
My blog posts have been creeping around to later in the week and I promised Thursdays. I am hoping this post will keep me accountable and have me stick to Thursdays from now on. I find if I write things like that down where people can see, it makes me do the right thing more easily.
Other things are harder. I have a friend and he and I have had chemistry for so long now I lose count of how long ago it started. Anyway, we found ourselves in a pretty unmistakable situation the other day, one which by rights should not have been allowed to happen. I had to talk to him about it the day afterwards because yes, he has someone who is having some difficulties. I feel that it was a chemistry thing but it is no excuse for how I behaved. I need to put this out there so that others, when they have situations like this where they don’t live up to their own standards for whatever reason, can see that they aren’t alone. I said to my friend that once was human fallibility but twice was knowingly helping someone to cheat and I really didn’t want that, despite what happened. He wasn’t happy but we both took ourlumps and have resolved that he will talk to his significant other and we will be mindful of the pitfalls of our chemistry in the future. I would rather have her permission and consent if I ever get the chance to enjoy my chemistry with him. Hell, I’d even play with her again. It has happened in the past.
So yes, even I slip up. Even I am not always mindful of what could happen and I find myself in situations that are not optimal and I own that. It doesn’t happen as often as it used to and it has been years but it’s possible with me and when it happens, I do what I can to control the damage while owning my part in whatever it is that happens. I am purposefully not going to say what happened and what didn’t. Firstly, it doesn’t matter and secondly, letting people imagine all the things is part of being discrete and part of what I have to do to atone for this.
It’s hard to write about these things. It’s hard to show that I do things that are not necessarily right. I may get some fall-out about it from people who have seen me preach about ethics but you know what? I’ll take that because it’s the right thing to do. I won’t write this to try to look good. I don’t look good righht now. I’m writing it all down because maybe, just maybe my vulnerability could help someone else in a worse place than I am right now.