Some easy gifting lifehacks for the holidays

I know this is usually supposed to be a sex blog and a lot of people would expect that my gift ideas would be all about sex toys but at this time, when I have been seeing people become homeless and experiencing money shortages and not knowing what to do, I have a couple of recipes and hacks that may help to make the season easier, especially when we are dealing with our vanilla friends.

There is a sex tip. It’s one others have used but seriously, coconut oil is a nice lube. You can get it raw or refined. Just don’t use it in conjunction with latex. It’s cheap and can be used for so many things, your vanilla friends won’t bat an eye.

OK, so you have that bag of choc melts and some whipping cream and cocoa powder in the house and you have to make presents for people. Here’s what you do.
Ganache Truffles
(makes about 36)
Ingredients:

200 ml fresh cream
200 G cooking chocolate
A splash of flavouring or edible essential oils if you have them. I used peppermint
Enough cocoa powder for mixing and rolling later on about a cup all up

Method:
Heat cream on middle heat and then add chocolate and flavouring. Stay with the pot and stir until everything is melted together.
Take off the heat and refridgerate until cold.
Add enough cocoa powder to make the cold mixture a dough and shape into little balls.
Roll in cocoa powder and put into little paper bags for gifting.

Lavender shortbread
(makes about a slice tin full)

Ingredients:
2 cups plain flour
1 cup sugar
125 G butter
a splash of vanilla essence
1 or 2 drops of edible lavender essential oil

Method:

Preheat oven to 180 degrees C.
Mix all ingredients with your hands until you form a dough. You may need a bit more butter or vanilla to make it stick.
Put the dough into a square slice tin and pack it right down so it isn’t crumbly. I use silicone baking forms because you don’t have to grease them.
Put in the oven and cook for 30 minutes.
Take out and let it cool. Then cut into little squares. Put about 6 into a small paper bag and start gifting!!

I hope this has been helpful, if somewhat unusual for this blog. Please look after yourselves and stay safe during this holiday season.

Ethics, humanity and fallibility

I often stress ethics when talking about everything from non-monogamy to relationships in general. I live my life as an ethical non-monogamist. I try to keep my word as much as humanly possible but there’s the rub. The word is human. I’ve been dealing with a few things like that lately and I also feel I have made myself look a bit too perfect on here so here goes.

My blog posts have been creeping around to later in the week and I promised Thursdays. I am hoping this post will keep me accountable and have me stick to Thursdays from now on. I find if I write things like that down where people can see, it makes me do the right thing more easily.

Other things are harder. I have a friend and he and I have had chemistry for so long now I lose count of how long ago it started. Anyway, we found ourselves in a pretty unmistakable situation the other day, one which by rights should not have been allowed to happen. I had to talk to him about it the day afterwards because yes, he has someone who is having some difficulties. I feel that it was a chemistry thing but it is no excuse for how I behaved. I need to put this out there so that others, when they have situations like this where they don’t live up to their own standards for whatever reason, can see that they aren’t alone. I said to my friend that once was human fallibility but twice was knowingly helping someone to cheat and I really didn’t want that, despite what happened. He wasn’t happy but we both took ourlumps and have resolved that he will talk to his significant other and we will be mindful of the pitfalls of our chemistry in the future. I would rather have her permission and consent if I ever get the chance to enjoy my chemistry with him. Hell, I’d even play with her again. It has happened in the past.

So yes, even I slip up. Even I am not always mindful of what could happen and I find myself in situations that are not optimal and I own that. It doesn’t happen as often as it used to and it has been years but it’s possible with me and when it happens, I do what I can to control the damage while owning my part in whatever it is that happens. I am purposefully not going to say what happened and what didn’t. Firstly, it doesn’t matter and secondly, letting people imagine all the things is part of being discrete and part of what I have to do to atone for this.

It’s hard to write about these things. It’s hard to show that I do things that are not necessarily right. I may get some fall-out about it from people who have seen me preach about ethics but you know what? I’ll take that because it’s the right thing to do. I won’t write this to try to look good. I don’t look good righht now. I’m writing it all down because maybe, just maybe my vulnerability could help someone else in a worse place than I am right now.

Blogger Feels

I was talking to a fellow blogger earlier today who congratulated me on being in the top 100 sex bloggers from Molly’s Daily Kiss last week. She talked to me like I was a bit of a celebrity as in our little community, it looks like it’s getting that way, at least, where blind bloggers are concerned. There aren’t many who tackle sex and kink, though there are a couple apart from me.

A lot of things went through my mind when I saw this. I’m going to try to put them on paper because though I am not upset, it made me think and have lots of feels that need to be addressed.

My first thought was that I am not sure how good an ambassador I am and will be. I live a life like most others with a smattering of difference thrown in. I love unusually, abundantly, with my whole being but multiamorously as a matter of course. I love kink but I have friends who see me as more vanilla than kinky because my kinks are words-based. I don’t drink, smoke, take drugs unless it’s medicine, I dress very conservatively. So many things that don’t compute to many people when they think of a sex blogger.

But then I think to myself that I am me. If I happen to be an ambassador, then so be it. Maybe there are others who feel exactly like I do, who think they are alone because they are into the same things I am into. Maybe I can help them. Maybe I can show them someone else has been through these struggles.

I didn’t start my blog to make money, though that would be nice. I started it as a labour of love. I wanted to take the opportunity to use my passion for all things sexual and kinky to help others, to educate, to create an altar of sorts to those I love on a general level.

Maybe there will be a person, couple, polycule out there who thinks I am the right fit for them. Maybe I will have my version of Kate’s Super Sleepy kinky hypnotist but more suited to me and my specific kinks. Maybe he will have a wife who is also in infosec and I get to love them both. Maybe my next Daddy will be a non-binary person who writes music to make me cry and who is into tech. I don’t know. Maybe the whole polyamorous group of us will start a band and make everyone cry with our music but also make them think. I don’t know but it all sounds nice for later on.

Right now, I am going to just keep writing when I have the ideas, help where I can, love those who let me love them, and hope that’s enough even when I have my moments of self-doubt.

I am in the top 100 sex blogs of 2018!!!

I had nothing to post this week when Thursday came around and I felt pretty bad about it. I like to be consistent and make sure that people get a post every week from me. So when I had nothing to write, I was really bummed.

Then I happen to look at the list of the top 100 sex bloggers of 2018 that came out today run by Molly from @mollysdailykiss and I found my name on that list!!! Yes, I am number 91, not quite up at the top with all of the famous names but I am on there and I never expected it.

When I found out about this, I was overwhelmed and really excited at the same time. I could hardly write my thoughts down in a tweet on my phone but now that this is a blog post, I can actually get my thoughts into words.

It’s been a pretty up and down year for me. Getting into the blogging stuff after my big hiatus while on my last trip to Perth, then finding out I received my scholarship to Woodhull, making that trip, meeting all the people, realising that yes, I am making the move back to Australia from the other side of the world and yes, that includes leaving my life and my husband, then learning that I will in fact be speaking at Eroticon UK next year.

All of these things have made it such a big year. Then I get this wonderful piece of news and though it may not be huge to some people, it’s gargantuan for me. It makes me feel like what I do isn’t for just a few people, that many will see it and hopefully receive help from my words.

I would like to thank Molly for doing the rankings but I would also like to thank those who nominated me, making it possible for me to be where I am now. Everyone’s been so wonderful to me, especially as I haven’t been as interactive since my move as I was beforehand.

I’m still here, still going strong, and looking forward to another year of reviews, essays I enjoy, not the crappy school ones, and travelling to all the different places to meet people and hopefully make a difference while there.

Giving Thanks from Outside America

As just about everyone knows, it’s Thanksgiving in the states as I write this. Well, Pacific and Mountain time still need to get there but it’s just a technicality.
It’s about time that I gave some thanks for the amazingness which has happened since I started writing this blog just over a year ago.

I am so super thankful to @sugarcunt from the Sugarcunt Writes blog for putting the idea into my mind to start a sex blog. It wasn’t something I had ever thought of doing and I had nothing but a person willing to host and a basic install of WordPress. I just started writing and then so much started to happen.

I am also very grateful to have been able to attend the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit in Washington DC in August this year. It was my first trip to the states and I had a wonderful time meeting all of the people and promising to meet those I didn’t get to see this year.

Blogging has also helped me to process my thoughts about everything from my big feelings about crushes to the dissolution of my marriage and a horrible situation from earlier in the year. Writing things down makes it easier to order the happenings and processes in my mind.

Toys!! Did I mention free toys from super well-known companies when on a fixed income? Yeah, there is that too. The amount of stuff I have received and the size of my toybox have increased over the year and a bit I have been a presence here.

I couldn’t write this post though without mentioning the other bloggers who have been super helpful as well as the tips I have received from educators. I am happy to have learnt so many new things and some of them were way out of left field like the experience of PIV not being everything or how sex and kink are not always one and the same.

I can keep going, I could elaborate or wax lyrical for a few more pages but really, this is a gratitude post. The US people want to get back to preparing their turkey dinners and ham glazes.

I hope that everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving and that there is as much for them to be grateful for as there is for me. My cup runneth over today.

A Review of the Exposed Nocturnal Bullet by Blush Novelties

I was lucky enough to be given some toys to review when I went to Woodhull earlier this year and one of those was the Exposed Nocturnal Bullet by Blush Novelties.

When you hold it in your hand, it feels like someone took a We-Vibe Tango, upsized it by about a 3rd in all dimensions and added a second button on the bottom for going backwards through the patterns. It also has less of a glossy finish than the Tango.

This little device sure can pack a punch though!! With the size comes some extra power and rumble. This is really good if you want to rock your body but the down side is of course that the hand and fingers can become numb like with the other more powerful bullet vibes the more you use it in one session.

I like to use mine coupled with a dildo for insertion, preferably something that will stay where it’s put and let me squeeze. Lube isn’t an option here, it’s compulsory. I have my trusted pot of The Butters that I also got from Woodhull on my nightstand for easy access. Without that, things start to hurt very quickly.

Another thing I really like about the Exposed Nocturnal Bullet is the price. Provided you are in the US, it will be less expensive than the Tango and does do a great job at providing those wonderful build-up types of orgasms that I love.

You can buy the Exposed Nocturnal Bullet at SheVibe Pleasure Boutique and
Peep Show Toys.

Thanks very much to Blush Novelties for gifting me this toy to review. Affiliate links have been used in this post but my opinion is all my own.

My Experiences with Fidelity

 

This post contains references to non-consentual sexual conduct. If this is a problem, feel free to skip it.

When I was little, I was fed the usual propaganda about what fidelity was. Apparently, you prove your loyalty and love by only having sexual relations with me and no one else. Whatever else you do, however else you treat me, if you do that, it means you’re faithful and loyal to me.

Fast forward to getting married to someone who was very much able to fit this bill. He only did sex things with me and no one else. He would be seen by a huge number of people as being faithful and loyal.

What he didn’t do was to stick up for me with a family who did everything they possibly could to break everything. Everything from steal his money so that I got blamed at first to making sexual overtures towards me to trying to cover up said overtures. When I asked him if he would stay if those sexual overtures had caused a baby, he said he didn’t know. When those overtures happened, I was the one questioned, confronted, all of this, not the family. he even as recently as last year tried to tell me I should see it from his side because he was getting it from both me and his family. I told him that if there had been offspring from the overtures, I would have got it from all sides, not him. I was out of empathy and still am.

Apparently, none of that matters if you prove your love by only doing sex things with the one person. Apparently, that makes it alright.

When I wanted to explore my fantasies, I was told that wouldn’t happen with him, that he felt threatened. So I went to someone else after telling him I would. Apparently, that’s classed as cheating. I also told him after the event what had happened. His response was to push me away because it hurt him. This is when we agreed to take sex out of our marriage.

I have since come out as polyamorous, which should have happened before I got married,when I think about it now, as it is how I have always been. I am so much happier knowing I can love those I choose, that I don’t have to choose at all, that I can love 20 people if I want to and it doesn’t mean I love any one of them less.

Yes, I go to bed with different people, both physically and virtually. I also maintain that I am faithful to every last one of them. I would stick up for them all with my family, have done so when needed.

If I am in a relationship, the partners in question get a check-in every day, get to know with whom I have played both physically and online, are put as partners into my contacts with emergency bypass priveleges, will get my time before non-partners do except when it’s my family. My savings go to funds for visiting them if they are that far away. If they need me, they have me and they have my fidelity.

I have sexy playtime with more than one person all of the time and this does not make me disloyal and it does not make me show a lack of fidelity. The sooner the world understands this, the better things will be.

The Mindsets of Sex and Kink

On the day I write this post, it’s Sunday the 9th of the 9th and I had two incidents that made me think about the same thing so here goes.

Because most of my arousal is a mental thing, I find myself getting hot more about a specific mindset than about acts themselves. This can apply to sex, kink or both.

I have a person I consider a friend. She is into many different things and some I get, some I don’t. The one thing though that stands out to me when I read her snippets or the things that get her going is the mindset and that is what gets me hot too. I’m a little but not into diapers/nappies. I am into humiliation and so is she. It’s a different kind but the root is the same.

There was also a post written by someone else about something completely different. They used words I wouldn’t use, there were references to things I would see as a hard limit but despite that, the story left me a quivering pile of liquid jelly because of the main mindset. In this case, it was emotional masochism.

For some, sex is a physical grunting growling mess. For me, it’s very cerebral and kink even more so.

Names, states of mind, the humiliating feel of being degraded, it’s all a case of mindset and sometimes, the barriers that can cross would be unimaginable if you ddin’t understand that fact.

The Mobile Device Rant

I don’t know how many times I have heard this being said. “Leave your tablet at home” or “let’s make some anti-screen time” or “no mobile phones allowed.” I hear it and my blood boils.

For most people, the smartphone or tablet is just an accessory, a thing you take with you that has movies or your work calendar or those silly games. For me, my mobile phone is a lot more than that. It’s my book reader, my mobility aid, my connection to a pair of eyes when no one else is around to help me see things, my GPS in case I don’t know where I am, and also, my Optical Character Recognition or OCR device, because heaven forbid people braille their menues or leaflets or labels on products.

I have to have my mobile device with me almost everywhere I go, not because I am an internet addict or because I can’t deal with life without screen time. It’s because since the invention of the smartphone, a huge number of apps have been invented for accessibility purposes. AS a blind person, I need apps to help me read documents such as Seeing AI, apps to give me directions like Loadstone GPS or Blindsquare. There are even apps like Aira or Be My Eyes that connect you to a sighted person, eitehr volunteer on BME or paid professional on Aira, that will tell you what is written on things when the OCR apps fail.

When I was coming home from Woodhull earlier this year, I was at the airport, the counter where I checked in was empty of people and I needed to visit the loo. There were also no people around who could have helped. I was so happy to have Aira as I could ring them up, get directions, go to the loo, come back out and go back to my seat and have someone trustworthy help me with all of these things. I couldn’t have done it without my smartphone.

There are people who would argue that there was a time before smartphones and what did people do then. I say they relied on sighted people a lot more than they do now. They just didn’t know about certain things. They did things a lot less independently than they do now. That’s what happened back then.

I’d love to go on an adult holiday. I’d really enjoy going to Desire or something similar. Question is, what’s the deal going to be with the tech that I need to get things done so that I and others like me have more of a level playing field? I’d like to have a good time and have agency and be able to consent freely. I can’t do those things if I have to rely on fellow guests or be seen as that person who needs a staff member around all the time. My tech helps me to have that level of agency and consent. People on their phones or always carrying their tablets are possibly in similar positions. Please ask and don’t assume.

My Thoughts on Hypnosis For the Kink of the Week on Molly’s Daily Kiss

As many of you know, I am hugely into hypnosis, both as a kink and a way to help others. I love to receive it, find hypnotic trance one of the best states ever, and I love to give it as well. There is nothing more wonderful than to know I have helped someone else and I do my best to do that with hypnosis.

Hypnosis Is Not Mind Control!!

In actual fact, you are hypnotising yourself. No one else can hypnotise you, strictly speaking. You are letting the other person guide your journey. It’s like healthy dominance and submission. You give up the control to the person doing the hypnotic induction. You can take it away at any time. That is a similar mindset to the d/s mindset and giving up that control feels sooooo good.

Often, when people think about hypnosis, they either think about being made to cluck like a chicken or do something equally embarrassing or they think it doesn’t work or it’s pendulums and pocket watches. That can happen but it doesn’t have to.

Most of these clichets come from stage hypnosis. Of course the person on the stage wants to make you do funny things. It’s part of the show. They will do suggestability tests and pick the person most likely to take on the suggestions. The people doing these funny things want to do them. They have put themselves in this mindset and like the attention.

The first session before you are even hypnotised, the person doing the hypnotising will talk about it with you, find out what sorts of imagery you like, what makes you react well and badly. The person wants you to be safe so they will do everything to keep things as safe as possible.

Unless otherwise specified, you will remember the whole experience. It’s like sitting on a bus or in a plane, sort of dozing, but you hear everything that’s going on. The only time you don’t remember things is when it’s discussed first.

your subconscious is a wonderful thing. If you have ethical or safety or moral issues with what someone asks you to do, your subconscious will protect you from doing those things. This is why hypnosis isn’t mind control. NO one can make you do something you really do not want to do.

Trance can happen naturally too. You are deeply into a book or a piece of music or a film. You are so far into it that you feel you are experiencing what the book or film or music is saying. It’s not some mysterious unknown state, it just isn’t talked about.

Speaking for myself, I really love being “tranced out” as it were. It’s instant subspace for me. I have sleep triggers and drop as soon as they are used by the right person. I also have some building triggers and there is one in particular that gives me tiny little peaks when used if I am in trance. it gets used outside of trance and builds me up when used that way. I hope that the tiny little peaks will at some point become fully fledged orgasms but there are some trust issues I need to work through first.

I also experience hypnotic algolagnia which means that pain transforms itself into pleasure when I am in trance. I want to experiment more with this as it’s a way where I can get a lot out of impact play. Not only that but it’s helpful when I have to have medical procedures done. If anaesthetic isn’t possible, there is always hypnosis.

Hopefully this sheds some light on one of my favourite ways to experience the world. If people want to see how it feels to be hypnotised, I am able to oblige as I can give as well as receiving. I am a certified hypnotherapist and will treat people with the utmost attention to confidentiality and ethics. You can find more info about this on the area of my blog dedicated to working with me.

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