Big Changes

It’s been a strange couple of weeks. I’ve been so busy that sitting down to write a post has just not been in the cards but because so much has happened, maybe I can process my thoughts and give you all a big post, perhaps two in the space of a very short time. WE’ll see.

I had a friend staying here for almost a month and it was wonderful to watch her confidence expand so much. She’s so often put down by her family and seeing her spread her wings and feel good enough to answer back sometimes was a wonderful experience.

It was also amazing to watch the process of her new D/S situation begin to unfold, together with the partner of the other person. He and I met on a dating app and then all four of us met and the dynamic just fitted together so well.

Both of us ended up having lovely photo shoots which were done so we could feel the experience and we put some of the pics on our fet profiles. That’s not something I would have done as recently as six months ago. It did help that I had code drawn on every inch of my body that was exposed. Now if that’s not an insentive, I don’t know what is.

It was very sad to see her go and also to see how much the two of them miss each other. I hope she comes back soon and I hope things work out between the two of them because seeing new love happen feels so good to me. It’s like stepping into a warm bath, just the right temperature, and with the right amount of bubble bath and scent. I’m glad there was a bit of nice stuff because there were some things to balance that out as there usually are.

I am flying halfway across the world, partly to sort out stuff from my previous life and partly to speak at Eroticon and getting ready for that is a task and a half. I had to use most of my pay for the airb&b this week so right now, there’s very little in my bank account. Thing is, I will manifest it when I need it and freelance work tends to do that. Still, it is a worry until it happens.

While I am away, my little house will be hosting a friend who is getting out of an abusive relationship. People, just so you know, it’s not just women who get abused. This person is a cishet white man but he has had it rough for a very long time and his confidence has been seriously undermined. When I saw him last week, he was a mess. He was literally shaking the whole time and could barely use his phone. His partner called me some not very nice names and he got so mad at her that he felt rage enough to need to get out of the situation. I offered him my place for the time I am away and hopefully, his family will help him to get his place sorted by that time. I’ll keep him as long as I have to so he doesn’t go back to that toxic situation.

This past Friday gone, I went to a play party and had a spanking from someone who knew what they were doing for the first time. The last piece of impact play I had, the person was very new themselves and as it turns out, went very easy on me. I was co-topped by two wonderful people and it was a very physical experience. I didn’t experience any feelings of submission, just pain and some sensory pleasure. The drop was real though. I’ve never experienced that in this kind of situation. The closest thing to it is the feeling you get when you get bad news. Aftercare is so important and it was given to me in spades by the people who did the spanking. I got drinks and lollies and hugs and it helped. I felt so awful that I didn’t get the wonderful feelings. So much of my kink is mental and when it’s so physical like that, it’s so tempting to dissociate and I was very close to that but because I had to communicate my hneeds, that didn’t happen. I think next time, there has to be a mental component for me to experience any kinds of feelings. I’m not a pain person. I am a sensory and pleasure person and I know this for certain now.

A couple of the people at the party had some health issues and I was allowed to give them both reflexology massages. That balanced everything else out. I was allowed to serve and be subby in an unobtrusive way so that any subs that any of them may have had would not feel that I wanted to take their place, not that that would have been a thing in this case, but just in case, the service was so different that it worked well in that way. It gave me a sense of purpose and balance that I needed afterwards as a different form of aftercare.

There has also been another situation with a couple of people in my life possibly having to work together professionally and that caused some issues last week with one of them that luckily got ironed out quickly enough but it was touch and go for a while. I must admit, there were scenarios to do with this situation where I didn’t have the answers but now the Universe has manifested my answer and as usual, in a way that was unexpected.

My little and I are as of today in a non-sexual dynamic as he has found someone else who is close to him and he would like to explore that situation without there being anything else other than that. It’s fresh and there is lots of NRE but this is where it stands now. I must admit, I needed a bit of time to process this as it was quite sudden but on the other hand, it fixes the situation I was talking about in such a way that both my little and the other person will have no further issues.

This means I am feeling sadness, relief, apprehension, anticipation, a few other things in the mix, just there are so many feelings that it is taking a lot of my energy to process them. I basically spent the whole day in bed yesterday and half of today as well. I just needed to be away from the world a little bit.

Now tomorrow, I get to be a fat person flying on an aeroplane and hoping that the Universe manifests me some space and makes things as complication free as possible. Next post will come from halfway across the world.

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