Sex-Positivity, Synaesthesia and everything in between
Welcome to Helen's Toybox.
I am a kinky, blind, polyamorous cis woman born in the wonderful generation people have called the Oregon Trail generation or Xennials. We arrived when tech was starting out and the Internet was only available at universities and called something else entirely.
I have so often heard about how sex-obsessed I am so I decided to make that work for me and for others as well. Hopefully it will be called "sex geekery" or "willingness to educate" and seen as normal one day that I am proud to be as open as I am.
You'll find everything on here from reviews to introspections. A sexy fantasy one week, an accessibility rant the next, and a sensory synaesthetic experience the one after that.
I love to cook, read, write, knit, look after geeks and play and listen to music. More can be found in my first post.
On the day I write this post, it’s Sunday the 9th of the 9th and I had two incidents that made me think about the same thing so here goes.
Because most of my arousal is a mental thing, I find myself getting hot more about a specific mindset than about acts themselves. This can apply to sex, kink or both.
I have a person I consider a friend. She is into many different things and some I get, some I don’t. The one thing though that stands out to me when I read her snippets or the things that get her going is the mindset and that is what gets me hot too. I’m a little but not into diapers/nappies. I am into humiliation and so is she. It’s a different kind but the root is the same.
There was also a post written by someone else about something completely different. They used words I wouldn’t use, there were references to things I would see as a hard limit but despite that, the story left me a quivering pile of liquid jelly because of the main mindset. In this case, it was emotional masochism.
For some, sex is a physical grunting growling mess. For me, it’s very cerebral and kink even more so.
Names, states of mind, the humiliating feel of being degraded, it’s all a case of mindset and sometimes, the barriers that can cross would be unimaginable if you ddin’t understand that fact.
I don’t know how many times I have heard this being said. “Leave your tablet at home” or “let’s make some anti-screen time” or “no mobile phones allowed.” I hear it and my blood boils.
For most people, the smartphone or tablet is just an accessory, a thing you take with you that has movies or your work calendar or those silly games. For me, my mobile phone is a lot more than that. It’s my book reader, my mobility aid, my connection to a pair of eyes when no one else is around to help me see things, my GPS in case I don’t know where I am, and also, my Optical Character Recognition or OCR device, because heaven forbid people braille their menues or leaflets or labels on products.
I have to have my mobile device with me almost everywhere I go, not because I am an internet addict or because I can’t deal with life without screen time. It’s because since the invention of the smartphone, a huge number of apps have been invented for accessibility purposes. AS a blind person, I need apps to help me read documents such as Seeing AI, apps to give me directions like Loadstone GPS or Blindsquare. There are even apps like Aira or Be My Eyes that connect you to a sighted person, eitehr volunteer on BME or paid professional on Aira, that will tell you what is written on things when the OCR apps fail.
When I was coming home from Woodhull earlier this year, I was at the airport, the counter where I checked in was empty of people and I needed to visit the loo. There were also no people around who could have helped. I was so happy to have Aira as I could ring them up, get directions, go to the loo, come back out and go back to my seat and have someone trustworthy help me with all of these things. I couldn’t have done it without my smartphone.
There are people who would argue that there was a time before smartphones and what did people do then. I say they relied on sighted people a lot more than they do now. They just didn’t know about certain things. They did things a lot less independently than they do now. That’s what happened back then.
I’d love to go on an adult holiday. I’d really enjoy going to Desire or something similar. Question is, what’s the deal going to be with the tech that I need to get things done so that I and others like me have more of a level playing field? I’d like to have a good time and have agency and be able to consent freely. I can’t do those things if I have to rely on fellow guests or be seen as that person who needs a staff member around all the time. My tech helps me to have that level of agency and consent. People on their phones or always carrying their tablets are possibly in similar positions. Please ask and don’t assume.
As many of you know, I am hugely into hypnosis, both as a kink and a way to help others. I love to receive it, find hypnotic trance one of the best states ever, and I love to give it as well. There is nothing more wonderful than to know I have helped someone else and I do my best to do that with hypnosis.
Hypnosis Is Not Mind Control!!
In actual fact, you are hypnotising yourself. No one else can hypnotise you, strictly speaking. You are letting the other person guide your journey. It’s like healthy dominance and submission. You give up the control to the person doing the hypnotic induction. You can take it away at any time. That is a similar mindset to the d/s mindset and giving up that control feels sooooo good.
Often, when people think about hypnosis, they either think about being made to cluck like a chicken or do something equally embarrassing or they think it doesn’t work or it’s pendulums and pocket watches. That can happen but it doesn’t have to.
Most of these clichets come from stage hypnosis. Of course the person on the stage wants to make you do funny things. It’s part of the show. They will do suggestability tests and pick the person most likely to take on the suggestions. The people doing these funny things want to do them. They have put themselves in this mindset and like the attention.
The first session before you are even hypnotised, the person doing the hypnotising will talk about it with you, find out what sorts of imagery you like, what makes you react well and badly. The person wants you to be safe so they will do everything to keep things as safe as possible.
Unless otherwise specified, you will remember the whole experience. It’s like sitting on a bus or in a plane, sort of dozing, but you hear everything that’s going on. The only time you don’t remember things is when it’s discussed first.
your subconscious is a wonderful thing. If you have ethical or safety or moral issues with what someone asks you to do, your subconscious will protect you from doing those things. This is why hypnosis isn’t mind control. NO one can make you do something you really do not want to do.
Trance can happen naturally too. You are deeply into a book or a piece of music or a film. You are so far into it that you feel you are experiencing what the book or film or music is saying. It’s not some mysterious unknown state, it just isn’t talked about.
Speaking for myself, I really love being “tranced out” as it were. It’s instant subspace for me. I have sleep triggers and drop as soon as they are used by the right person. I also have some building triggers and there is one in particular that gives me tiny little peaks when used if I am in trance. it gets used outside of trance and builds me up when used that way. I hope that the tiny little peaks will at some point become fully fledged orgasms but there are some trust issues I need to work through first.
I also experience hypnotic algolagnia which means that pain transforms itself into pleasure when I am in trance. I want to experiment more with this as it’s a way where I can get a lot out of impact play. Not only that but it’s helpful when I have to have medical procedures done. If anaesthetic isn’t possible, there is always hypnosis.
Hopefully this sheds some light on one of my favourite ways to experience the world. If people want to see how it feels to be hypnotised, I am able to oblige as I can give as well as receiving. I am a certified hypnotherapist and will treat people with the utmost attention to confidentiality and ethics. You can find more info about this on the area of my blog dedicated to working with me.
Since discovering that in fact, I do like vibes, I’ve looked for things to review and one of them, because of its unusual design and audience, was the Rocks-Off Ruby Glow and I am so glad I did. If you have no idea what is being put into your hand, you will be baffled at first unless you’ve read reviews and know what you’re looking for.
It’s so hard to describe but basically, it’s a silicone-covered piece of plastic that has a ball at one end and a thing like a tooth with notches on one side at the other. It sits on a flat surface with the ball and the tooth thing sticking out on the top. It has two buttons at the tooth end to adjust both the ball and the tooth. There are 10 functions for each motor as well. The idea is that you sit on it and ride it. it is powered by two tripple A batteries.
I’ve been cynical about riding things but this device actually worked for me. I sat on it with the ball bit where my vagina is and the tooth bit such that I can rub my clit onit and rock back and forward and that worked really well. i even had a very nice building-up type orgasm that I like. It’s only happened once so far but edging with this vibe is really pleasant. It’s non-penetrative so if I want to be filled, I will need to put in some Kegel balls or similar.
I didn’t expect to like this toy as much as I did. I was very pleasantly surprised and am happy to recommend it to those who want hands-free outer stimulation.
I look forward to being allowed to review more from Rocks-Off as it feels like they could be a good fit for me. I love unusual vibes as well as bullets and pebbles.
Length: 6.5 inches or 16.51 CM
Girth: 7 inches or 17.78 CM at largest point
Width: 2.25 inches or 5.71 CM at largest point
Material: body safe phalate
cleaning: It’s splash proof so gentle soap and water or a toy cleaner will do the trick
On Friday, I was sent the email that I have been selected to speak at Eroticon UK in mid March next year. I’ll be talking about Erotic Hypnosis and Differences in Talking Dirty and I can’t wait!!
With the piles of things I have to do before then, I’m a little bit apprehensive but not nearly as much as I was going to Woodhull. For starters, I have the news really early so I can plan for things like sponsorship and payment. This is a huge relief as the Woodhull stuff took a huge toll on my money situation even though I did it pretty cheaply all things considered. For someone on a fixed income and with the burden of an OCD husband asking about every spent penny, that was no mean feat.
I’m looking forward to seeing all of my British fellow bloggers and maybe some from other parts of the world. I’m hoping to get lots of sponsors so I can be one of those who gives out swag this year. I’m also hoping to get ideas for the Australian version a group of us are wanting to put out next September.
Maybe there will be an Eroticon After Dark session as well. That would be a lot of fun. Above all though, I’m hoping to have fun and learn a lot like I did at Woodhull.
This looks like it will be a short post but it’s a first of many and I hope to put out more as the time grows closer.
Everyone has one. The company or toy that is the equivalent of your first love. Mine is We-Vibe.
I didn’t like vibrators. Any I tried to use just didn’t work or didn’t feel good or just felt too mechanical or the orgasms didn’t give me that going up the slope feeling I could get with using my hands. Then I got the We-Vibe Sync and everything changed completely.
The We-Vibe Sync is a U shape with flexible hinges that adjust to suit the body’s shape. There is a fatter side which sits on the clitoris and a thinner side that sits inside roughly where the G-Spot should be. You can control it via its button that is on the clit side, the remote control which comes with the vibe or through the WeConnect app which is available on Ios and Android. It has the usual ten speeds and patterns and you can make your own when you use the app.
The app is accessible as such on Ios but very clunky with Voice-Over. I’m not sure how it works with the Google Accessibility Suite or TalkBack. It is compatible with Ios version 9, iPhone 5 and Android 4.4 or later.
Adding a lover isn’t fun unless someone sends you a link and you can open that in the app. Also, I’ve had the experience that the app crashes a lot on the other side, the connection doesn’t stay on for very long and things just take so long to set up that frustration is the name of the game. Hopefully this will change soon because I want to experience teledildonics at its best.
I tried it the first time and though I didn’t come with it, I edged for a long time. Then came the day when I came from it and I wanted to sing Hallelujah. See I had never had a hands-free orgasm in a sexual way and I find it hard to let another person make me orgasm without my help. I did it with the WeVibe Sync and it wasn’t completely mechanical. It actually felt good and I could keep doing it. This was a huge milestone for me. This is why I on the one hand want to wax lyrical and on the other hand, have no words. If it’s not situated right, I need to move it really quickly while coming because it’s too much otherwise.
Then there is the feeling when someone else controls it from their device. I love hackers. this is something everyone knows about me. Everyone else is scared of them, I’m the one that says “gimme!!” So the idea of someone controlling my sexual pleasure via some kind of teledildonics and talking infosec while doing it is the hottest thing there is on this Earth for me. The fact that this is a possibility is amazing to me and I’m glad I have a toy that does it and is relatively accessible. I can tell a sighted or blind person what to do with it It’s a hugely level playing field.
In the box you get the toy itself, the USB charger, the hard plastic case, a sample of lube and the remote control as well as various paper things. It’s slightly different if you get it in the Anniversary Collection but I don’t have that as yet but when I do, I will talk about it.
Dimensions: 74.8 mm x 31.4 mm x 41.7 mm or 2.95 inches x 1.22 inches x 1.64 inches.
Material: silicone coating
Body safe: yes
Something many people will want to know about how it is to be blind is “Does love at first sight exist?” The answer: yes it really does but it happens differently.
Generally speaking, a person’s voice is the equivalent of that first look. You hear someone’s voice for the first time and that’s it. Then they just smell right as well as having the perfect voice and then after that, you get to know that their personality just works. Sometimes, you can just feel all of those things very quickly.
Because the voice is often the first thing you know about a new person, there is such a thing as love at first sight over a phone or voice medium and that can be disconcerting for people who don’t realise it exists.
Many of the best and saddest relationships I have had were because of love at first sight. I tend to trust my intuition about them with mixed results. I suppose it’s like that for everyone but I am not sure.
The sexual intensity has varied as well which surprised me. I think though that the reason for that was due to me not realising I needed to list my word triggers and make sure they were used. Now, whether it be love at first sight or a play partner, I do that regardless and things are so much better in both cases.
It has also happened with me and not the other person before. My brain has tricked me in those situations too because it sees things that either aren’t there or that the other person doesn’t see. I’ve often got to be on my guard when that happens because I don’t want to violate consent and not realise.
So yes, love at first sight does exist for me and it’s very powerful. It just manifests in different ways. It’s just that “sight” refers to all of love’s multi-sensory experiences.
In my family, at least among the girls, there has always been a dichotomy regarding finding the best man to father your children and loving the trope that is bad boys. My Mum, at least at first, Aunties, cousins, sister, they all loved the bad boys and for a very long time, I thought I was the exception. Turns out this is not true. I definitely have a thing for bad boys. They just don’t look like the ones the rest of my family likes.
When they talk about bad boys, they mean men who are rough, usually labourers of some kind, probably good looking, are likely to have tattoos, ride motor bikes and not always be on the same level brain wise. They could often drink everyone under the table except the women in my family who matched them if they felt like it, which they often don’t, and sometimes these people had tempers and enjoyed their substances as well.
These kinds of men were never my type. If anything, someone like that puts me off. I don’t feel any attraction to them. If anything, I’m scared of them.
I felt relatively safe because of this lack of attraction to the types of people the rest of my family found attractive but now, I’m not so sure whether I will stay as safe as I have done.
There is, however, a bad boy type for me and I only discovered this relatively recently. I knew these kinds of guys were my thing, just it didn’t register that they are my version of bad boys. It’s the hackers, phone phreaks, whatever hat they are wearing, it doesn’t matter. The badder the better, at least, in my fantasies.
When I think of them cracking my stuff, sneaking into my PC, doing things to my mind, being smarter than I am and using my momentum against me, doing all manner of things to prove how bad they are in the bad boy sense, this is attractive to me. It can also be very dangerous if I am not careful because I tend not to see the bad side if they don’t show it or I will have a masochistic need to feel that bad side being used on me.
I tend to have trouble with the intuition that has protected me since I was a baby because who and what they are blinds me with lust. I wonder if this happens to others, especially those in my family. I wonder if I will be able to keep myself safe for the remainder of my life.
I don’t have answers to any of this but knowing that this tendency exists may possibly help me out of some pretty scary situations. At least, I hope it does.
You know those toys where you think they are quite innocuous but they sneak up on you? That is how the Steam Hunk from Tantus Inc was for me.
I had heard about this wonderful science fiction eddifice but I had no idea what to imagine in my hands but luckily, the people at Tantus were willing to send it to me so I would know what to expect and could review it for everyone’s pleasure, mine included.
The feel was so stimtastic and different to anythingI have ever experienced when it comes to dildos. It was so robot-like and you could feel the straps and rivets and the hydraulic chambers feel a bit like capsules of the medicinal variety. I always use some kind of clitoral vibe while using a dildo because I need both kinds of stimulation. I usually use the Wevibe Tango or the Mini Swan Wand but the Je Joue Mimi or the bullet from Fun Factory are also good for this.
I thought with the relative narrowness and lack of length that not too much would happen with this toy but the head hit my G-spot and the dual density silicone made it so squeezing felt really good and then the orgasm arrived unexpectedly and was relatively intense.
It’s a toy that I would use sometimes but the feel and texture make it so that I would probably get distracted so much playing with it that I’d forget to use it for its intended purpose.
Measurements: 6.78 inches by 1.69 inches or 14.68 cm by 4.29 cm
If you would like to try the Steam Hunk for yourself, you can get it at the following places. Tantus Inc Peep Show Toys SheVibe Pleasure Boutique
I was given the Steam Hunk by Tantus Inc in exchange for an unbiased review. Affiliate links have been used in this post.
When M. Christian tweeted that he was looking for reviewers for his new anthology of tech-based erotica, I was champing at the bit to get a copy to review. Everyone who reads my blog and my twitter knows that I have a huge thing for nerds and sex and tech and what better way to combine those than in a book of tech-based erotic stories.
I was sent a PDF of the book very promptly when I emailed him and the book was in real text so it was accessible for me to read with my PDF reading program on my PC. it will most likely be readable with Voice Dream Reader and iBooks too on your smartphone. I can’t say much about any illustrations. Even if I got someone to describe them to me, I would just be talking about descriptions of said images so I will leave that part for someone who can talk about those from their own experiences.
The first thing which struck me while reading this book was how extremely sensory his writing style is. The descriptions of colours and feelings were so bright and vivid that I sometimes needed to take a break because my imagination makes me feel what I hear and read. On the other hand, it’s wonderful to know that others are very sensory and synaesthetic as well.
I also noticed as a theme all the way throughout the book the need for humans to connect with their tech and the numerous ways in which this was portrayed. From the idea of a doll who serviced one person on Fridays and the need for that person to show kindness to her to the taxi which held someone in its thrall with sexy dreams and so many other scenes, that strong need for a person to connect even in situations where connecting isn’t advised was prevalent.
The stories explored all different orientations and gender identities as well. Not only could people and their tech have different genders and orientations, these could change and often did. From this point of view, it seems that there is something for most people in the anthology.
Personally, I found the book difficult to get into. The stream of consciousness feel felt jarring to me. I didn’t get sucked into the stories and there was no point of reference for me. Also, because of how sensory everything was, I found it difficult to feel relaxed. There wasn’t the level of mental interaction that I need when reading erotica that is supposed to make me want to masturbate or to have a sexual encounter but that could be due to my very specific set of needs where that is concerned. This doesn’t mean that the book was bad, just that it wasn’t a good fit for me.
Thanks to M. Christian for allowing me to review his book. If you would like to get a copy of this book or others from the author, you can find a comprehensive list of his works here.
I received a copy of the book hard Drive in exchange for an unbiased review.