A Piece of Happy and Exciting News

On Friday, I was sent the email that I have been selected to speak at Eroticon UK in mid March next year. I’ll be talking about Erotic Hypnosis and Differences in Talking Dirty and I can’t wait!!

With the piles of things I have to do before then, I’m a little bit apprehensive but not nearly as much as I was going to Woodhull. For starters, I have the news really early so I can plan for things like sponsorship and payment. This is a huge relief as the Woodhull stuff took a huge toll on my money situation even though I did it pretty cheaply all things considered. For someone on a fixed income and with the burden of an OCD husband asking about every spent penny, that was no mean feat.

I’m looking forward to seeing all of my British fellow bloggers and maybe some from other parts of the world. I’m hoping to get lots of sponsors so I can be one of those who gives out swag this year. I’m also hoping to get ideas for the Australian version a group of us are wanting to put out next September.

Maybe there will be an Eroticon After Dark session as well. That would be a lot of fun. Above all though, I’m hoping to have fun and learn a lot like I did at Woodhull.

This looks like it will be a short post but it’s a first of many and I hope to put out more as the time grows closer.

Review of the We-Vibe Sync

Everyone has one. The company or toy that is the equivalent of your first love. Mine is We-Vibe.

I didn’t like vibrators. Any I tried to use just didn’t work or didn’t feel good or just felt too mechanical or the orgasms didn’t give me that going up the slope feeling I could get with using my hands. Then I got the We-Vibe Sync and everything changed completely.

The We-Vibe Sync is a U shape with flexible hinges that adjust to suit the body’s shape. There is a fatter side which sits on the clitoris and a thinner side that sits inside roughly where the G-Spot should be. You can control it via its button that is on the clit side, the remote control which comes with the vibe or through the WeConnect app which is available on Ios and Android. It has the usual ten speeds and patterns and you can make your own when you use the app.

The app is accessible as such on Ios but very clunky with Voice-Over. I’m not sure how it works with the Google Accessibility Suite or TalkBack. It is compatible with Ios version 9, iPhone 5 and Android 4.4 or later.

Adding a lover isn’t fun unless someone sends you a link and you can open that in the app. Also, I’ve had the experience that the app crashes a lot on the other side, the connection doesn’t stay on for very long and things just take so long to set up that frustration is the name of the game. Hopefully this will change soon because I want to experience teledildonics at its best.

I tried it the first time and though I didn’t come with it, I edged for a long time. Then came the day when I came from it and I wanted to sing Hallelujah. See I had never had a hands-free orgasm in a sexual way and I find it hard to let another person make me orgasm without my help. I did it with the WeVibe Sync and it wasn’t completely mechanical. It actually felt good and I could keep doing it. This was a huge milestone for me. This is why I on the one hand want to wax lyrical and on the other hand, have no words. If it’s not situated right, I need to move it really quickly while coming because it’s too much otherwise.

Then there is the feeling when someone else controls it from their device. I love hackers. this is something everyone knows about me. Everyone else is scared of them, I’m the one that says “gimme!!” So the idea of someone controlling my sexual pleasure via some kind of teledildonics and talking infosec while doing it is the hottest thing there is on this Earth for me. The fact that this is a possibility is amazing to me and I’m glad I have a toy that does it and is relatively accessible. I can tell a sighted or blind person what to do with it It’s a hugely level playing field.

In the box you get the toy itself, the USB charger, the hard plastic case, a sample of lube and the remote control as well as various paper things. It’s slightly different if you get it in the Anniversary Collection but I don’t have that as yet but when I do, I will talk about it.

Dimensions: 74.8 mm x 31.4 mm x 41.7 mm or 2.95 inches x 1.22 inches x 1.64 inches.
Material: silicone coating
Body safe: yes
Waterproof: yes

If you want to get yourself one of these, you can get it from SheVibe Pleasure Boutique which is an affiliate link.

Affiliate links were used in this post. I bought this toy as a birthday present for myself before becoming a blogger but this means I have it to review.

Love At First Sight

Something many people will want to know about how it is to be blind is “Does love at first sight exist?” The answer: yes it really does but it happens differently.

Generally speaking, a person’s voice is the equivalent of that first look. You hear someone’s voice for the first time and that’s it. Then they just smell right as well as having the perfect voice and then after that, you get to know that their personality just works. Sometimes, you can just feel all of those things very quickly.

Because the voice is often the first thing you know about a new person, there is such a thing as love at first sight over a phone or voice medium and that can be disconcerting for people who don’t realise it exists.

Many of the best and saddest relationships I have had were because of love at first sight. I tend to trust my intuition about them with mixed results. I suppose it’s like that for everyone but I am not sure.

The sexual intensity has varied as well which surprised me. I think though that the reason for that was due to me not realising I needed to list my word triggers and make sure they were used. Now, whether it be love at first sight or a play partner, I do that regardless and things are so much better in both cases.

It has also happened with me and not the other person before. My brain has tricked me in those situations too because it sees things that either aren’t there or that the other person doesn’t see. I’ve often got to be on my guard when that happens because I don’t want to violate consent and not realise.

So yes, love at first sight does exist for me and it’s very powerful. It just manifests in different ways. It’s just that “sight” refers to all of love’s multi-sensory experiences.

Bad Boys With a Difference

In my family, at least among the girls, there has always been a dichotomy regarding finding the best man to father your children and loving the trope that is bad boys. My Mum, at least at first, Aunties, cousins, sister, they all loved the bad boys and for a very long time, I thought I was the exception. Turns out this is not true. I definitely have a thing for bad boys. They just don’t look like the ones the rest of my family likes.

When they talk about bad boys, they mean men who are rough, usually labourers of some kind, probably good looking, are likely to have tattoos, ride motor bikes and not always be on the same level brain wise. They could often drink everyone under the table except the women in my family who matched them if they felt like it, which they often don’t, and sometimes these people had tempers and enjoyed their substances as well.

These kinds of men were never my type. If anything, someone like that puts me off. I don’t feel any attraction to them. If anything, I’m scared of them.

I felt relatively safe because of this lack of attraction to the types of people the rest of my family found attractive but now, I’m not so sure whether I will stay as safe as I have done.

There is, however, a bad boy type for me and I only discovered this relatively recently. I knew these kinds of guys were my thing, just it didn’t register that they are my version of bad boys. It’s the hackers, phone phreaks, whatever hat they are wearing, it doesn’t matter. The badder the better, at least, in my fantasies.

When I think of them cracking my stuff, sneaking into my PC, doing things to my mind, being smarter than I am and using my momentum against me, doing all manner of things to prove how bad they are in the bad boy sense, this is attractive to me. It can also be very dangerous if I am not careful because I tend not to see the bad side if they don’t show it or I will have a masochistic need to feel that bad side being used on me.

I tend to have trouble with the intuition that has protected me since I was a baby because who and what they are blinds me with lust. I wonder if this happens to others, especially those in my family. I wonder if I will be able to keep myself safe for the remainder of my life.

I don’t have answers to any of this but knowing that this tendency exists may possibly help me out of some pretty scary situations. At least, I hope it does.

A Review of the Tantus Steam Hunk By Tantus Inc

You know those toys where you think they are quite innocuous but they sneak up on you? That is how the Steam Hunk from Tantus Inc was for me.

I had heard about this wonderful science fiction eddifice but I had no idea what to imagine in my hands but luckily, the people at Tantus were willing to send it to me so I would know what to expect and could review it for everyone’s pleasure, mine included.

The feel was so stimtastic and different to anythingI have ever experienced when it comes to dildos. It was so robot-like and you could feel the straps and rivets and the hydraulic chambers feel a bit like capsules of the medicinal variety. I always use some kind of clitoral vibe while using a dildo because I need both kinds of stimulation. I usually use the Wevibe Tango or the Mini Swan Wand but the Je Joue Mimi or the bullet from Fun Factory are also good for this.

I thought with the relative narrowness and lack of length that not too much would happen with this toy but the head hit my G-spot and the dual density silicone made it so squeezing felt really good and then the orgasm arrived unexpectedly and was relatively intense.

It’s a toy that I would use sometimes but the feel and texture make it so that I would probably get distracted so much playing with it that I’d forget to use it for its intended purpose.

Measurements: 6.78 inches by 1.69 inches or 14.68 cm by 4.29 cm

If you would like to try the Steam Hunk for yourself, you can get it at the following places.
Tantus Inc
Peep Show Toys
SheVibe Pleasure Boutique
I was given the Steam Hunk by Tantus Inc in exchange for an unbiased review. Affiliate links have been used in this post.

A Review of Hard Drive by M. Christian

When M. Christian tweeted that he was looking for reviewers for his new anthology of tech-based erotica, I was champing at the bit to get a copy to review. Everyone who reads my blog and my twitter knows that I have a huge thing for nerds and sex and tech and what better way to combine those than in a book of tech-based erotic stories.

I was sent a PDF of the book very promptly when I emailed him and the book was in real text so it was accessible for me to read with my PDF reading program on my PC. it will most likely be readable with Voice Dream Reader and iBooks too on your smartphone. I can’t say much about any illustrations. Even if I got someone to describe them to me, I would just be talking about descriptions of said images so I will leave that part for someone who can talk about those from their own experiences.

The first thing which struck me while reading this book was how extremely sensory his writing style is. The descriptions of colours and feelings were so bright and vivid that I sometimes needed to take a break because my imagination makes me feel what I hear and read. On the other hand, it’s wonderful to know that others are very sensory and synaesthetic as well.

I also noticed as a theme all the way throughout the book the need for humans to connect with their tech and the numerous ways in which this was portrayed. From the idea of a doll who serviced one person on Fridays and the need for that person to show kindness to her to the taxi which held someone in its thrall with sexy dreams and so many other scenes, that strong need for a person to connect even in situations where connecting isn’t advised was prevalent.

The stories explored all different orientations and gender identities as well. Not only could people and their tech have different genders and orientations, these could change and often did. From this point of view, it seems that there is something for most people in the anthology.

Personally, I found the book difficult to get into. The stream of consciousness feel felt jarring to me. I didn’t get sucked into the stories and there was no point of reference for me. Also, because of how sensory everything was, I found it difficult to feel relaxed. There wasn’t the level of mental interaction that I need when reading erotica that is supposed to make me want to masturbate or to have a sexual encounter but that could be due to my very specific set of needs where that is concerned. This doesn’t mean that the book was bad, just that it wasn’t a good fit for me.

Thanks to M. Christian for allowing me to review his book. If you would like to get a copy of this book or others from the author, you can find a comprehensive list of his works here.

I received a copy of the book hard Drive in exchange for an unbiased review.

A Review of the Tantus Sam by Tantus Inc

Because I loved the Tantus Uncut 2, I wanted to review something with a bit more girth so the lovely people there sent me Sam to play with. It’s got a similar feel to what the Uncut 2 has but is a lot wider and a bit longer and there is a hole for a bullet vibe as well as a suction cup. Both come with the toy and you can alternate.

This wonderful hunk of dreamy silicone is 1.8 inches or 4.57 cm wide and 7.3 inches or 18.54 cm long and feels very penis-like when inside. The dual density silicone means that there’s give but also hardness when you squeeze and that feels so good. Even though I feel really full when using it, I don’t feel pain of any kind and I want to gush and splash everything.

I am really looking forward to what this beauty does if someone else is using it on me. I prefer using it with the suction cup because I am a still or thrusting dildo but bullet on the clit type of person.

Before I continue to wax lyrical, I’d better let you all know that you can get your own Sam at the following shops.

Tantus Inc
Peep Show Toys
SheVibe Pleasure Boutique

The Tantus Sam was sent to me by Tantus Inc in exchange for an unbiased review. Affiliate links were used in this post.

My Feelings About Woodhull

I had the honour of being able to attend the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit from the second till the fifth of August 2018. It was a wonderful few days, a very intense few days and a very amazing and enlightening few days. It was also a very sad few days and I need to be able to write about both aspects of this so I can process but also so that people will see how things are and were and maybe get a chance to understand things from the point of view of someone who does things very differently.

It was wonderful to meet and spend time with all of the bloggers. It felt so strange in a good way to say “I’m from the Helen’s Toybox blog” and have people squeal and give me hugs and just overall be happy to see me. It was also really interesting to hear voices of people with whom I had never spoken. I expected some voices to be sterner than they were and also the opposite.

Because I don’t have pictures, I literally don’t see people, I don’t have certain lenses through which to view them. Colour or size will only exist to me if I touch a person or if they have a voice that gives anything like that away. Even then, I just take it down as a part of who the person is.

I was also really amazed about people’s reactions to my accent. I could literally smile and be polite and people bent over backwards to give me things and to help me. It felt good when I had time to process that it was actually happening. I’d never been in that situation before. I find it very hard to just receive and was taught that you never ask for presents so when people wanted to give me things for free or they wanted to set me up with swag or show me all sorts of things, well, I had to figure out what to do. It wasn’t that I was ungrateful, just very overwhelmed that people wanted to do all of that for me. It was a change in mindset that no one could have warned me about because the way I am about that isn’t something people notice about me online, at least, I don’t think it is.

I ended up only going to two talks and part of the live recording of the Dildorks but I enjoyed those and I got notes about a talk that if it is done again next year, I will certainly make time to go to that talk too. I also, with the consent of the panelists, made audio recordings for them as a back-up in case their live stream audio wasn’t very good. I will not be giving those out but they have been given to the panelists.

I need to do the hard bit now and that’s scaring me a lot. i don’t like conflict and I don’t like talking about difficult things but I suppose in order to make things better for next time, I had better get it out.

The first problem I had was that the hotel is very archaic in regards to money things. You either pay cash or you have a credit card or a debit card but if you have a debit card, they make things complicated. They did this with me and because my bank is not in the states, I needed to use someone else’s phone to call internationally to sort things out. It ended up being the hotel’s issue but I didn’t appreciate being treated as if I were one of *those* people who finds any excuse not to pay for things. That’s how it felt from the point-of-view of the hotel.

If they had had paypal or Apple/Google Pay, for example, this could have been sorted a lot more easily on the first day. AS it is, I need to find out how much the poor person had to pay for that very long international call and pay them back for it. They were wonderful in helping me but as it was, I missed out on two things I would have loved to have experienced in full because the hotel didn’t get its stuff together correctly. It also made my roommate very unhappy and that just got me plain angry. She couldn’t help any of it.

The way the hotel was, things were very loud, there were very bad acoustics and the whole place was very open plan with places where you could fall quite easily. AS it was, I always needed to get help to get from one place to another. Because my sim didn’t work like it should have, I didn’t use Aira very much because the wifi wasn’t amazing. This meant I had to always ask for help to get to wherever I wanted to go. It highlighted my disability which may have led to the next and hardest point I need to make.

I had had plans and hopes of doing some interesting play experiments while at Woodhull. I wanted to test how things would be regarding my reactions to impact play under hypnosis. I had a couple of people with whom I had made plans. Everything and I mean everything fell through. One person was not well and that was sorted out. They checked in with me, we met and I felt how much pain they were in. They want to catch up with me when not dealing with the after effects of something that horriffic and that’s perfectly fine.

In other situations, and these are my feelings and no accusations here, I truly felt like I wasn’t seen. I felt like as a blogger, I was seen and people were happy to know me. As someone to play with, not so much. It felt like a switch flipped and I disappeared from view and even if I said something, it wasn’t going to be heard or acknowledged. I didn’t know if it was because I don’t use the same body language as everyone else or if I was too intense or too obviously something else. People saw the things I said and asked for as being cute or fun or “awww look at that”. It was like being in highschool all over again and I felt sad because I had no idea how to fix any of it. I can’t read physical social cues. i had no idea if people found me repugnant in that way or were too afraid to ask me because of their own issues, none of that because no one said anything.

I wasn’t prepared for any of that.

Having said that, I had a wonderful roommate who not only saw me but was very demonstrative about seeing and acknowledging all of what I was. I can’t say how much I appreciated her and her wonderful empathy. Even when the money thing happened and she was so upset, she was always sweet to me and I am so thankful that I had her sharing a room with me.

Despite all of this, I want to come back next year. I am going to review the swag I got this year, really get into the sponsorship possibilities and thanks to possible grants, live some other dreams and make people aware that physically disabled people are here, we’re not going anywhere and we will be seen and acknowledged in all the ways. Accessibility must not be an afterthought in other places and I refuse for it to be one in the framework of sexual freedom.

I want to do work with sex tech and accessibility. Virtual reality is more than just visuals. If blind and vision impaired people don’t speak up, we will be left behind, invisible, that afterthought where the solution is cobbled together to show token adherance to industry standards. I will not stand by and let this happen.

I hope to show how there is freedom in leading by example and showing love to those who need it. People are humans first and so many people forget about humanity in their push for equality. Humans make mistakes. They are not always going to be perfect. But coming at it from a place of anger and hatred is not how I am going to fight this battle.

Above all, I am going to see to it that I will be seen and acknowledged as being a sexual person with the same abilities to consent and give and receive pleasure as everyone else. Maybe it’s a bit me me me but dammit, it’s important because maybe someone else needs something similar and if I pave the way, maybe it will be made easier for the next generation.

Sexual Harassment and Disability A post inspired by Girl on the Net

The first thing I want to say is that her experiences are very valid and she has all my empathy. None of what I have to say is meant to minimise or invalidate her post. In fact, it is what inspired me. I am so happy that she wrote what she did because when I read it, it reminded me of experiences I have had like she has but slightly different.

Sexism is probably sometimes there but I have trouble recognising it unless it’s really blatent. usually, it will be either about my weight or my disability.

The number of times when I have had to go, been busy, and people have either grabbed me, talked to me when I was concentrating, tried to make me their teachable moment when all I wanted to do was to get to where I had to go. The scarier thing for me though is when it’s disability based.

I kid you not, I’ve experienced two taxi drivers who knew that I was under their power and they sexually harassed me while I was in their taxis. Yes it was sexual but it was also about being disabled and unable to leave the taxi. This was before the taxis had apps or even Braille numbers so you could complain. You had to rely on them putting their number onto your taxi voucher and hope to all the deities that it was the right one. They played up the blind angle and it was awful to deal with and yes, I kept cool and calm while I would have loved to rage. Maybe they would have done it if I had been able to see, maybe not, but it sure made me angry either way.

GOTN asks, why did I not tell him off? The answer is spoons. You only have so many reserves sometimes and you need those for everyday life stuff. The show goes on after incidents like this and the world doesn’t care so you have to do your daily thing and then you can go home to cry or rage or do self-care things.

That feeling of “Why didn’t I say/do something?” Yeah, I know it way too well. I’ve been there so many times and I’m with all of you who have had these incidents happen in their lives and I say sometimes, you can advocate and sometimes, it’s just not possible. Neither of these things makes you a bad person, bad advocate, bad feminist, bad anything. It just means you have to count your spoons that day.

A Review of the Unicorn Horn Small Pastel Pleasures Dildo by Split Peaches

I am always happy to review new and exciting toys and the Unicorn Horn Small pastel Pleasures Dildo from Split Peaches was no exception. As with all new toys, I get a description when I read about it but have no idea what will meet me when it arrives.

My toy came together with a little key ring with S and P in this font as if Times New Roman and Cureer New had a baby. I’m not sure if the ring was a 3D representation of a split peach but it’s fun and I will probably take it with me to Woodhull for keys and such. There were also stickers and some temporary tattoos which I will also take with me and maybe get someone to put on me for one of the parties but I digress.

The site is nice and accessible and the people with whom I exchanged emails and twitter dm’s couldn’t do enough for me. The package arrived promptly and there were no issues with customs.

Dimensions: 6 insertable inches or 15 cm x 1 and 5/8 inches or 4.1275CM at the base. It tapers and twists but I am not sure what the diameter or circumference of the tip’s measurements are.

The shape feels stimtastic and the silicone is not the matt finish kind but not quite the gobble up all the lube and magnetise dirt and hair kind either. I feel the possibilities this toy can have but I imagine the next size up would have shown those to me a bit more easily. I imagine all of the ribbing and texture but when it goes in, well, I have to squeeze to feel a little bit of what I am imagining. Maybe I need to do things with another person to feel the full effect or maybe more lube or less hurry but as it stands, what I am feeling is potential and waiting on the rest to happen. I am forever optimistic and hopeful that this will change and I will talk about it if it does.

If you’d like to get one of these little sweeties, you can use the Split Peaches link on this post and it will help me out financially as well.

Affiliate links have been used in this post. This toy was sent to me in exchange for an unbiased review.